rambling

So, after a few devotion entries... I feel the need to ramble ;) Ask james... this could go on a while ;)

So, I have had probably the best week that I have had in quite a while. Its kind of like when someones cup is overflowing that you get the splashes... thats what it has been like with come extra cream on top from God. It started on Saturday and just has gotten better. James was asked to resign on Saturday morning and he called me on his way home. I didn't know what to think. Of course I hated it because the way the economy is, it stinks for anyone to not have a job. But in the other light I thought to myself, "This job has caused him so much stress and he has had no life hardly outside of, this could be a good thing." But I reserved my comments and was supportive. By the time he picked me up Saturday evening, he had this outlook on things that amazed me. He was completely ok and I could just see the relief on his face. He has said since then its just been like a load has been lifted off of him. I can tell. Every time he has called me this week, he has been so excited to have free time and to be doing normal things. It really has just made me so happy to see him happy. Ive seen him happy... but not THIS happy! I am so glad. And to hear him tell the church Wednesday night and seeing the relief... its great!

So after having a great time Saturday night, and really enjoying lunch with him on Sunday... I went into Monday really excited. And the week has been great! Work has been good, I got the tests back that I had so much trouble with last year and I passed both of them, Ive just all around been happy this week!

Now, today when I get off work, I'm going to visit my parents in NC. I haven't been home since Christmas so I'm gonna go over for a few days. I'm just hoping that it doesn't turn into an argument over something... anything. My dad always picks a fight with me and I just don't have the desire to fight with him anymore. Sure they love James and are totally supportive of us, but its my lifestyle they don't agree with. My parents are the type that go to work, come home, sit and do nothing. I am not like that! I am CONSTANTLY on the go...always busy doing something. My dad wants me to live like he does and he gets mad and makes tiny stabs all the time at the fact that I am always going somewhere and doing something. And me... I get mad and say the first thing that comes to mind (which if you read my previous blog you'll see I am working on that.) My dad is the one person besides James that I have ever sought approval from. And it seems that no matter what I do, its never good enough. Like yesterday... I called SOOOOO excited that I got a B+ on my foundations test and he said, "Well, you should have studied harder and got an A." I was so upset. I still am... I work almost full time and am doing full time nursing school, at least I passed contrary to last semester. When will what I do be enough? I am to the point that I dont think anything I ever do will be enough and I might as well quit trying. The only person I have to worry about pleasing is God and myself. Its easier to tell myself that than it is actually letting it go.

I know I have quite a few parents that are readers... don't ever make your kids feel like their not good enough. Push them to be better yes, but if they do quite as well as you would like, don't make them feel bad for doing their best. Of the readers that I know I have... I know you wouldn't do that, just have to throw that one out there :)

That is one of the thing I love the most about James. He takes me as I am. He doesn't tell me that I should do better when Ive already done something good. Now if there is something that needs some work (like when I get angry driving) He tells me. I don't have to try and impress him and earn his love... he simply gets what he sees and thats enough.

So... I guess Ill get off my soapbox for today... I'm still having a really good week and thats good enough! Hope everyone is having a GREAT week!!