Days like today...

Days like today are the days as a health care worker that you don't want to come home to an empty house. Days like today are the ones that you want to collapse into someones arms and have them kiss you on the fore head.... to let you feel ok. Days like today are the kind that you need someone to take care of you and just sit with you. Days like today are the days that you feel like you have become invisible...

As a health care worker, I give myself 110% to my patients. I turned over a 450lb woman alone. I took care of a 23 year old guy whose life was just completely turned upside down outside of his control and search for answers when he asks why. I watched an elderly man sit my his wifes bedside holding her hand and hoping she can hear him. And I was in the presence of a woman when her time to meet her savior came. All in one day.

I take my job seriously. Its more than a patient, a chart, a doctor, or a nurse... these are people in these beds. They have lives.... they have family.... they are a human. Its more than a job! Its a chance to change someones life and mine has been changed by many patients. But after pouring everything you have into 12 hours... you are empty. Coming home to empty is depressing. I am emotionally spent... and wish that someone was here. I need someone to take care of me... I need someone to hold me so I can cry... I need someone to talk to.

When all the human interaction you have had outside of work has been a 15 min convo with your mom, a 20 min convo with a friend, and a 30 min convo with your bf... its hard not to crumble and sit on the couch with pizza in one hand and your sleeve as a Kleenex on the other. No one can understand unless you have been surrounded with people but are still all alone. You go home to your familes, you have someone if you need them to be with you. You have the security of knowing someone else is in the house. I go home to 3 cats who cant exactly give you the hug you so desperately need...

Lord I need you to intervene... this alone feeling is almost more that I can take. Ive given so much of myself today that I want to feel human again...