There is only one word to describe how I feel... Blessed. I am so thankful that God has given me James. I cant tell you just how good it is to know that when no one else is in my corner... he is.
No one else can take my hand and for that moment... everything is ok. No one else can wrap their arms around me... and make me feel safe and warm. No one else can look me in the eyes... and see straight through all my defenses. No one else can take all my complaints... and put life into perspective.
We went to a funeral of a man that I loved dearly. When I first started going to my church, no one made me feel more welcome. He would come over to me if not every service, every other service and shake my hand and then grab my left hand and look and then say, "well, were gonna have to get that boy, I want to see a wedding before I die." Im gonna miss him saying that. He was an amazing testimony to love one man can have for his wife and most of all the Lord. Men like him, lived a life that is a good example for men to follow. I feel for his dear wife.
But as James and I sat in the funeral home last night, I just thought to how ever many years down the line, one of us will be in those shoes. It almost scared me to the point of wanting to pull back and put a wall around myself. Seeing the pain in Mrs. Mitchells face... scared me. But as I walked out of the funeral home and he took my hand... it hit me. Its worth it. God designed us to love and feel. And I wouldn't trade the feeling I get when he looks in my eyes and I know its going to be ok. The greatest part about it, is no matter who is in those shoes at the end of the journey... we have to promise to see each other again.
Im not a big fan of Vday, but this year... my love has grown for that man more than I could ever have imagined. Ive felt my love grow since New years eve. I mean I loved him before, but it gotten more real to me. Real in the sense that I have found the love of my life. People look their whole lives and never find what we have. Im thankful to have found him when I was 18!! WoW... it seems like forever ago when I first met him. And now almost 4 years later, God is still blessing us!
I love you James Alexander Chatman!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
So thankful
Posted by Crystal at 10:51 PM
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1 comments:
Crystal, this brought tears to my eyes...If I could even share a touch of the pain I feel when I think of the man I love...just knowing he is kissing and hugging another woman, is enough to literally rip my heart out...yes, I know it has been 15 months...but it will never get easier in my book. I couldn't imagine before all this, but yes, there will be lonely days for her...some of the loneliest she has ever known. My kids are here for me, but no, that usually don't make the pain any easier. If anything, it makes me more lonely cause I don't have anyone to share their moments with.
Anyway, I pray for you...please pray for me...love ya!
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