Frustrated

sigh... Im in a funk...

I went full blast for so long, and now that Im just working... I dont know what to do. I feel like my life is in a stand-still. Im not progressing in ANY area of my life and I dont know how to handle it. I mean I know I have to do something about the things Im unhappy about... I just need to vent now

Academically- still taking the semester off and HOPING to get to go back this fall. I want to be a nurse so bad that I cant stand it... I just hope that the money comes through this fall and I am able to go back. I cant get any FASFA because Im not 22. The only ways are #1- that I qualify for aid is if I provide parental info... which they make too much and they wont give me the info #2 Im married or #3 I wait until the spring of 2011 (which would push my graduation date back to may 2012 instead of tentatively fall 2011)

Work- working 40+ hours a week gets the bills paid. I just dont enjoy my job... but these days at least its a job... who really cares if Im happy.

Personally- James is busy with work, church, school and 5 million other things (which I am amazed that everything gets done... I would loose it). All my friends are busy with school and work and the rest are married.

My parents want no part of my life. They want me to come all the time and they never want to come see me. I miss having that parental support in my life. I miss having the there for me. I miss advice. But I cant MAKE them be a part of my life. Its like James says, I can answer for me.

I come home every day, and I sit alone. I think everyone forgets that I dont have a family to come home to. I dont get to spend time with anyone around the house. I get a 15 minute phone conversation about my day, and then thats it. Its me sitting home alone. I wish I had someone to come home to... other than a cat. When I lived with Vikki, I had someone to take care of... now I dont. I had someone to talk to and spend time with... now I dont. I miss my best friend... I never realized just how much I would miss vikki. Now, we both play phone tag and never get to talk.


Im glad I can blog... Im not good at telling people how I feel. I can talk for hours... about just about anything.., just not what I want, what I feel... what I long for. But I can write/type them. Im even frustrated with my writing... I cant even begin to formulate... ANYTHING... I have been typing out my unhappiness...

Im 21 years old... aren't these the days that I will be wishing back in 20 years? I just dont feel like it. Im no where near where I want to be. You know... In high school I was pegged as the most successful! I was going to graduate college and be married with kids.... all of those dreams that I want more than anything... seem light years away... :(