Experiencing God

You know... I sit behind my computer one or 2 times a day and type out something. Sometimes its from a sermon at church, sometimes its something I get from my Bible study, and sometimes its something that God gives me at random times (i.e. running and driving) But when it comes down to it, God is a personal experience to everyone and its different every time. Sometimes God speaks in a mighty way, other times its subtle. Sometimes we can go to God and pour out our heart and soul and other times we go to him and cant say a word but just cry and sit in his presence.

I experienced God in two completely different ways today. This morning at church I was down about a few things that happened last night. Silly comments taken to heart and an argument had my emotions in a knot. A huge blanket of uncertainty clothed my thoughts. Uncertainty about my future is plaguing my heart and soul. The near future and the distant. Thoughts of whether Ill be a good nurse, thoughts of where I am going to be living in a few months, thoughts of how I am going to be able to live by myself (my room mate is getting married), thoughts of whether Ill ever get married or have children... I am craving answers to these questions. I know that since God showed me that he wanted me to be a nurse I have wanted nothing more and I know he will see me through, I still doubt my abilities sometimes. My mom likes to laugh because I was definately the kid who played mommy/wife. Ive always wanted that and cant wait for the day that God allows it to happen. I know I am not supposed to know everything about my future, but when I start thinking about it... its so hard to not get impatient. So in church this morning when Jerry had the congregation to stand up... my heart was beating out of my chest. To the alter I go. It was the moment that I just sat there crying out to God for a sense of peace and patience. I need stability... I know who holds my future and I just need to work on trusting God that he will deliver the things that he wants for me when the timing is right.

Then tonight, when Larry asked if anyone had a song I hear Sherry, "Sing Crystal." I say no and John came forward. While he was singing my heart started beating really hard... I tried to ignore it. God kept nudging. I was about to stand up when someone asked Bo to sing. I thought... O no... I'm not going to get a chance. I said "Lord, just let Larry ask if someone else has a song and I'll go." My heart felt like it did one time when I had way too much caffeine, but it wasn't because of the caffeine. When I was getting dressed for church, God put the song on my heart that I sang and I stuck it in my Bible. And truthfully had Sherry not said something I probably would have sat in my pew and never moved. I shake like a leaf every time I get up there, but I knew what I had to do. And I can lay down tonight and say that I did what God wanted.

Its amazing how many different ways God lets us experience him. I love the quiet times like Ive had sitting in my apartment alone tonight. But I love the moments in church when everyone is together praising God... I'm glad that its different all the time and that it never gets old having God speak to me. Its been a long time since I had the heart beating out of my chest feelings and as bad as it feels before you do what your supposed to... looking at it afterward and having not felt those feelings for a while... I am so glad that God came by tonight just to remind me that he still loves me and still wants to use me. What and AWESOME God I serve!!