Have you ever felt like one of those toys from the Land of the Misfit Toys in “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer?” I sure have!! Inferiority and worthlessness were constant companions of mine at one time, I wondered if God had been sleeping on the job when He created me. Those feelings manifested themselves in a deep depression.
By the time I was a teenager, anorexia consumed me and I was determined to destroy myself. Because my life felt so out of control I needed something I could control. In my case, it was what I did or did not put in my mouth.
Years spent in my anorexic prison molded my self-image into one of self-hatred. Why would anyone want to be with me? Why am I here? Do I even want to live anymore? These were just a few of the questions that constantly bounced around in my head. Feeling like a square peg in a round hole, I quite honestly wanted to die.
Despite being surrounded by amazing family and friends who loved me, I believed many things that were not true. I whole-heartedly believed I was a mistake. I believed I was worth nothing. I thought this was my rightful punishment.
Growing up I believed something else too…I believed in God. But did I believe Him? Did I believe all His wonderful promises were meant for me personally? Did I believe God could love me when I was such an absolute mess?
After years of depression and starvation, I had an encounter with my Savior. I met God with my pain and messy, mixed-up life and He met me with His love and acceptance. He showed me I was His child, made in His own image. The Lord also led me to an amazing Christian counselor. Revisiting my painful past was a hard journey, but well worth it. I felt God’s infinite healing and love for me, and for the first time I began to believe that God had a plan and a purpose for my life.
I still struggle daily, but the Lord is now using my life and experiences for His good. I have a passion to minister His healing and love through written and spoken words to those who suffer or have suffered as I did. Do you feel worthless and like you do not matter? Please don’t. You are not a misfit toy.
A friend once told me that if God had a refrigerator, my photo would be on it. Your picture would too! God loves you so much and created you in His beautiful image. His Word says you are made with love. Choose today to believe it.
"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." Psalm 139:14
0 comments:
Post a Comment