Learning to crave Jesus.

“For meat destroy not the work of God. All things indeed are pure; but it is evil for that man who eateth with offence. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food.” Romans 14:20a

For 2 years I have been stuck in a rut of wishful thinking and excuses with my weight. At the beginning of each day I would say I wanted things to be different. I would vow in my heart to make things different. I would even make a plan to stop the snacks, increase the veggies (YUCK.... crunchy!), and say no to the desserts (NO... not my sweets!!).

But then life would happen (ie nursing school). And the excuses were so very plentiful. So, my resolve would melt away like butter on a hot yeast roll (oooo bread!!!).

Of course the next morning I would always get up and weigh myself hoping that somehow, something would have happened over night. Despite my indulgences from the day before, maybe the numbers would have magically gone down.

But the scale was not impressed with my wishful thinking. It could only tell the truth.

And so you know who I’d get mad at?

God.

I’d beg Him to help me one minute while scarfing down an order of fries the next. And then I’d be doubly mad He didn’t steer my car away from that drive-thru.

I deemed myself a victim of tragic genetics, overactive taste buds and a stomach that demanded large portions.

I have been reading a book since the new years called "Made to crave." In reading this Ive learned that what I failed for years to realize is there was a much more significant issue going on.

More important than the ever increasing size of my jeans was the deception going on inside my heart. My weight wasn’t God’s curse on me. My weight was an outside indication of an internal situation.

Honestly, I might as well have taken Psalm 23 which talks about the Lord being my shepherd and my comfort and replaced His Name with various foods. I was relying on food to be my comfort, my ever present help, my guide. Food was the thing that got me through the valleys. It became the friend I wanted to celebrate with in the good times.

I don’t write to point out anyone else’s issue. There are certainly medical and genetic circumstances that can cause weight gain. Trust me, I battle my very own endocrine system and lets be plain... my 20's have decided to be a hormonal mess lol. But I have also discovered that my issue is truly a spiritual one. And no diet will ever be permanently successful until I get to the real root of my problem.

The root of my issue is craving food more than God. I desired and depended on the instant high of physical gratification because I hadn’t learned how to let God satisfy my deepest needs. This realization has became a call to action for me.

I know this is a tough issue. I’ve walked through the tears and the feelings of failure and had my fudgey companion to cope. I am the girl who fell into the pit of depression and let the fast food places provide some company. I am the girl who is terrified of being alone, so Ive curled up with my fair share of dough-nutty-comfort. I am the girl who stressed about life, and grabbed the quickest thing with no regards to what Ive been doing to my body. I am the girl mad at God about this whole deal. I talked to God as he was the source of my unhappiness and why Ive turned to food. I asked God why even when Im good about what I eat, why I must have an endocrine disorder that REFUSES to to let me be skinny. But I want freedom. And I realized that if I wanted to have my deepest desires met by God and not food, I would need to restore God to His rightful place by changing my old thought patterns.

Here are some of the points from the book I am reading...

Old thought patterns:
“I need these chips. I deserve this ice cream (even though it will make me sick lol). I must have that extra large portion.

New thought patterns:
Chips will only taste good for the moment. But the calories are empty and will do nothing good for my body. 2 Corinthians 7:1 reminds me, Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.”

This ice cream will give me a sugar high but then I’ll crash and feel terrible. Psalm 34:8…reminds me to get into God’s Word and let it satisfy the deep hungry places of my soul, “O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

This extra large portion will overstuff me and make me feel sluggish. I can’t look to this food to soothe me. Psalm 34:5 says, “They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed"

Learning to do this is a process that I have to intentionally choose day after day. But the real reward was what Im gaining with Jesus in the process. He is the best part of my journey. And I wouldn’t miss this new found closeness I now have with Him for anything in the world. I am learning to choose food wisely, and try to become healthy for a better life. Instead of craving things (not just food) to fill those places in my life where I am longing, I am learning to lean on Christ to fill them.

When I am lonely, and desire someone to snuggle with... I am learning to crawl up in Jesus' lap and let his presence be enough. When I long for a family presence, I am learning to let Jesus be a mother and father to me. When I long for a marriage, I am learning that Jesus is my companion and that I need to be content in where he has my life at right now. That is my goal for 2012, to be content. Im not making resolutions to get skinny, get out of debt, or things like that. I am learning to crave my savior more and more every day and lean on his everlasting arms no matter what may come!