Uncharted territory

Ever get tired of hearing the same old-same old comments from people? Even though they are right... sometimes you just want to scream when the comments come. "Just keep praying, your dreams will come true." "Gods timing." and my personal (insert sarcasm here) favorite.... "Someday"

Having dreams are a funny thing. They put you through the gamut of emotions. So fragile... the least little thing can crash your dreams into a million little pieces. Frustrating... having a dream that someone else and/or entity just might hold the key to. Wonderful... when they finally come true. Agonizing... when the thing you want the most somehow evades you and everyone rubs it in your face.

But sometimes... terrifying. All of a sudden you realize that you have everything you ever wanted sitting right in front of you. So close you can actually taste it, yet just far enough out of reach to make you crave it even more. Terrified that one day you will wake up and all that you have worked and prayed for will walk away or be taken away from you. Terrified that you will never measure up or fit the standard of the profession you've chosen. Terrified that once again... you are the butt of a really cruel joke. Terrified that he will wake up and realize just how short the short end of the stick hes drawn. Terrified that in the end... your worst nightmare will come true... being alone. Terrified that you are waiting on something that might never happen.

Almost makes me not want to dream. Would save me the disappointment of being well... disappointed. But what is life without dreams. You never know without a risk....

My life is headed into uncharted territory. Its absolutely TERRIFYING! I have decisions coming up that I have to make. And make no mistake... when it comes down to it... I can make decisions about what I need to do. Thats what it has taken for me to be a young woman living on my own. I dont have the safety net of a family to fall back on. (financially and for that matter emotionally.) I have 72 days left of the life I have known... then everything changes. Hopefully everything that is....

Tonight I have to rest in Psalm 62.... Lord lead me to the rock that is higher than I.... Lord hide me in the covert of thy wings... Lord please...