Forgive me....

Forgive me for a soapbox moment.


I get so angry watching people throwing away something that I want so bad it hurts sometimes! Just carelessly tossing away something SO SACRED like it means nothing! I wonder sometimes why people who are just gonna throw it away get to get what they want! I find myself in a position of bitterness at times against the people that "get what I want." Now Im not the psycho kind that is bitter enough to break someones finger off (like it was thought I would lol) and would NEVER wish any ill will on anyone! Just wanted to clear up that :) I know I have to wait on the Lord to give me the desires of my heart in his time. And I have to rely on him to sustain my loneliness and desperation to have that companionship.

I need to be more compassionate because as soon as we put ourselves above it and say, "That'll never be me" it will be you. It could be me. I was driving home tonight and started thinking... "Gosh Im glad Im not married cause seems like it doesn't work for anyone anyway." But then I thought of every bad example Ive seen, I have twice as many good ones. Ones that stick it out no matter when the money is all gone, no matter when your lives are turned upside down, no matter how much some days you just dont like each other but still love each other. I was talking to my friend Cindy about it. Ive seen her and her husband go through so much. She has told me numerous times that she was leaving. But she remembers that she made a vow before God, and no matter what she isn't going to break that.

I think alot of people including myself in the past get swept away with the wedding fantasy that we've had since we were little girls. A "wedding" is not what its all about... its a marriage. Something that you vow before God... something to not be taken so lightly. Because after its all said and done; the bouquets will wilt, the napkin color will be forgotten, the dress will be tucked away in the closet, and you wont hardly remember who came and who didnt, all the little details will fade. All that matters is that in the end you have a companion to stand with you no matter what. Someone that will not always like you, but will always love you. Someone that no matter how bad your day is, is there to tell you its all going to be ok. In the end all that really matters is upholding the Biblical standard of a marriage and giving the world the examples that it needs.

I hope that if that day ever comes for me, that I will take bad examples and not fall into the traps that are so easy to fall into. I want to take the good examples and model myself of what not just what a Godly woman is, but I want to be a Goldly wife, and hopefully if God blesses me with children, a Godly mother. I dont want to be selfish and throw something number one that I have waited so long for and number two, something so sacred. It is an honor to stand before the Lord and take those vows.