I love how God works

Today I was at the church cleaning. I was having one of those moments when I felt like I couldn't take anymore. Feeling frustrated, forgotten, forsaken... just plain worthless. I was questioning... doubting. "Lord why me... how much longer," was the cry from the depths of my heart. I got to my pew and sat down with my head in my hands... "Lord speak to me... I NEED TO HEAR YOUR VOICE! I need to hear that you haven't forgotten me or stopped listening." Nothing... pure and total silence. I suppose I was waiting for God to pull up a seat and talk to me. I start to get up... aggravated. "Fine then... if your not talking... Im not listening!"

Why is it that I cant just listen? He was there... the entire time. I felt that little tug... but why didnt I listen? Why did I throw my hands up just because he didn't SPEAK to me. I ignored his still small voice guiding me. The thoughts in my mind were swirling around and making so much noise that I dismissed him and paid attention to everything else at hand... I know better!!!!!!!

I turn around and I knock something in the floor. CRASH... uggghh seriously not what I needed... trash can spilled everywhere. GROSS... snot rags. Start the clean up process and what do I run across? I tiny tin with an eagle on it. I finished the mints in it last night during service and haphazardly tossed the tin in the can with no regard as to what it actually SAID on it. I just thought it was a nice little depiction of an eagle.

Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

I am awestruck. In 23 years I KNOW I have heard this a GAGILLION times. I filed it into the Tough time verses folder for safekeeping just in case. Never have I actually sat and thought about it. All these feelings have no place where patience exists! Now EVERYONE knows that patience is NOT and I repeat NOT my strong suit. But I am getting stronger. Ive been consulting my good friend Job alot lately :) But this verse! I dont have to feel this way! I dont have to keep existing , just wondering through my life, hoping that I make it through another day. I can RUN... and not get tired or have my ankle and knee spaz out?!?! NO WAY! I can WALK... and not feel the weight of the world crashing down?!?! I can FLY.... and not be terrified of the journey?!? And all I have to do is.... WAIT!!!

I know God isn't expecting me to just wake up and have it all under control... he wants for me in those moments of doubt, fear, and insecurity to hold on tighter and slap the devil in the face. Wallowing in the Poor me puddle isnt any good. Its petty! Time for the big girl panties to come out... gloves are on! Im ready to fight for what I want. To stand in the gap, pray, and carry on. God will totally take care of me. He will bring the things he has for me in his time... when its perfect! And who am I to rush it and get something less than perfect!!!


All this because I spilled a trash can... I love my God!