Moody

I had a patient yesterday that I cant stop thinking about. She is in end stage renal disease along with other problems. She is just a precious lady. She knows she is dying, but she is trying to be strong. Her husband knows she is dying, but he is trying to be strong. Her husband only leaves to go to work and then come right back. When he comes back, he is glued to her side. Doting on her, getting her anything she wants, bathing her, feeding her... loving her. You can see it all over him... he loves that woman so much.

He came out in the hallway and started talking to me while she was napping. He is terrified of loosing her. He cant stand the thought of not having her. It just broke my heart. He asked me why he couldn't just take her place. Why couldn't he just be the one in the bed, why couldn't he be the one in pain, why couldn't he die so she could live and enjoy her kids and grand children? What do you say at those moments? I know... nothing. The only thing that I know is to love them like Jesus does! I have no answers, I have no solutions.... but I do have comfort. I bear the light of one who has the answers and solutions! He gave me a hug and cried in my arms. I let him cry. Crying is cleansing for the heart, soul, and mind. He asked me to pray with him and I did.

After the day I was having with the unhappy nurses making me and the patients miserable, it was like God just came by and reminded me that it is my job to bear that light. Its not my job to let others bad moods rain on me and make my light grow dim.

I came home last night and was still mulling over the bad day that I had had... and when I went to bed, the Lord came and reminded me of the opportunity that he had provided for me. I started to replay the day and I can recall moments when I turned the oil up on my lamp and let it shine. At one point I had a nurse ask me what I was so happy and I was able to testify that God is what makes me so happy. But then I look at moments when I was frustrated and my mood reflected it. I felt like what my pastor talked about Sunday.... a moody Christian/person. I can hear James laughing now... :)

Now I know that we aren't always going to be walking around all sunshine and smiles, and I sometimes like to use the excuse,"Im female, Im allowed to be moody." But something inside of me was on high alert yesterday that my light was needed. I slipped into the bathroom many times yesterday and prayed for the strength to put me aside and show him. Not my moods....

Father God, help me to be aware of my moods and the effect that it has on those around me... not just my friends and loved ones... but the lost. If Im beat down and depressed all the time, why would they want what I have?