Am I beautiful?

I dance in the kitchen as I put away dishes while loud music blares. The sanctuary of my home is the only place I can dance without embarrassing myself, a fact which usually doesn't stop me from car dancing when a good song comes on. ha ha

Besides, today I would dance anywhere because I'm in a dancing mood.

Why? I got a new pair of heels. Today they make me feel beautiful.

I hope you don't dismiss this because you want to tell me real beauty comes from within. I know. Please keep reading.

I remember another pair of heels that made me feel beautiful once upon a time. Somehow I had convinced Granny to buy me what was the height of cool and grown-up in third grade: high heels. They were white with a bit of a heel and a gold buckle that the light reflected wonderfully. Mere walking was not good enough for those heels—I pranced.

After going out to dinner, I strutted my nine-year-old self around in those heels , laughing and twirling, intoxicated with the attention from the adults along with the delicious satisfaction of feeling beautiful.

Whether in third grade or in our third-plus decade, our feminine hearts long to feel beautiful, don't they?

Sometimes we hide from this longing. We wonder if a good Christian woman is vain if she admits she wants to feel beautiful. Shouldn't we be more concerned with our character than our outward beauty? Besides, every woman knows how easily we can be filled up with attention and admiring looks one minute, but deflated and insecure the next. I know this all too well... I am so horribly insecure at times that I want to hide behind a sweatshirt and pjs under my covers!!

I remember vividly how that night in third grade, prancing in my heels, ended with feeling just that, deflated. In the blink of an eye the enchanted night evaporated when an older relative rebuked me with her sharp comment: "That's enough. Quit showing off like that and come sit down." And that's what I did for the rest of the night. Quiet, ashamed, no longer feeling beautiful.

As little girls, and big girls, our beauty sometimes gets buried beneath critical comments like that of my relative. Or, it becomes the victim of our duty-filled lives, broken hearts and unfulfilled desires. So we try to discard our longing by telling ourselves that physical beauty is a useless pursuit.

But deep down this doesn't ring true.

I think what's more true is this: We don't want to be admired exclusively for our outer beauty, nor do we want it dismissed.

We desire to display both inner and outer beauty. One without the other is not really who we are, and we want someone to see who we really are. What we really long for is for someone to be enchanted with our entire being, our very essence.

What if instead of discarding this longing to be admired for our beauty, we embrace it? What if we recognize this longing as a God-given desire which distinguishes our feminine heart?

When I turn this over in my mind and heart, I find something incredible: Not only does God give us this desire, He also satisfies it. You see, So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him. (Psalm 45:11).

The King sees me completely. He sees the effort I put into revising a writing submission until the words line up perfectly. He sees me taking time to encourage a friend, or love the people in my life even when I dont particularly like them. And He sees my efforts to exercise and take care of my body. (Which I have to get back on track with!!!)

Our heavenly Father is the One who created and fulfills the longing of our hearts. God sees us inside and out, and He's not disappointed or critical. He is delighted and enthralled. By ME!!! By YOU!!!

The King is enthralled with our beauty. That's why I'm dancing in my new heels today. Won't you join me? Put on your favorite stylish shoes, crank the tunes, and dance. His eyes are on you!

Father God, nothing makes me more beautiful than Your love. Thank You for being a Heavenly King who sees me completely and loves my whole essence in spite of myself!!

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory



You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful