Im just gonna say it!

wow.... I never blog anymore and I think everyone has stopped reading.... but anyway on to the thought at hand tonight...

I am so impatient!!!

Every other commercial is about some girls dreams coming true. Some guy on his knee in the snow, in front of a tree, in the middle of nowhere, and every other possible way with a little box. I am soooo sick of getting online and seeing some other celeb has gotten her little box. I am so sick of logging on facebook and seeing another friend getting her dream. And to top it off... I got on FB this weekend and to my shock... my ex proposed to the girl hes been with for almost 2 years!! That one stung a bit.

AND IF ONE MORE PERSON.... writes in my Christmas cards, "I hope you get what you want for Christmas! (ring)" I AM GONNA SCREAM!!!!!!! I have gotten 5 cards like that this year!!! FIVE!!! Just rub my face in it why dont ya!!! I learned my lesson last year about getting my hopes up. I just dont want to think about it and give my self the least little bit of room to get my hopes up because I dont want to deal with the disappointment. I dont think I could handle the same disappointment that I felt last year. I am trying to keep the attitude of, "it'll happen when it happens." But everyone reminding me every other second isn't helping me not to think about it!!

I guess I must be patient because I am still here waiting. My friends tell me that they would have already left, but how can you leave the man that you are uncontrollably... undoubtedly... unconditionally... irresistibly... uncontainably... overwhelmingly... and intensely in love with. THAT is why I am still waiting. Because there isn't anyone else in this world that makes me feel this way. No one else's arms fit perfectly around me. No one else loves me in spite of me. No one else has the key to that part of me that wants to be with them forever.

I just wish he realized that I need some kind of commitment. I need something to say that what we have is permanent and that he wants to spend his life with me. I wish that he would make up his mind.... after this long, you either know or you dont.... ok stepping off my soapbox! If I have any readers out there still... help me pray that God will strengthen me to endure the wait!! :) Gosh I feel like Fran the nanny :P