Why?

WHY!?! The famous question I have been asking. I want to know why! Ive been sad, depressed, angry, livid... the list of emotions Ive experienced has been monumental. I want to know how this is all going to work its self out. I want to know why I had to sit and watch my friends graduate this past December. Some of them even admitting to me that they didn't deserve to walk as much as I did. When I became ok with not graduating and become content with graduating in December 2010... I take another blow. Now I get to see all my new friends that I made walk in December. And the roughest part of it all... I dont even know if I'll get to walk that BSN stage any time soon. Instead I have to back track and get the LPN and *hopefully* get to go back one day for my RN. I have been soooooo angry. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY! Why do I have to sit and watch everyone else over and over again, why do I have to listen to everyone keep telling me that it should be me up there with them, why do I have to rearrange my plans? Why do my parents not believe in me and support me? Why do they have to over and over tell me that I am a failure? Why do I always keep trying to please them even though I know its not ever going to happen? WHY... someone just tell me WHY!!!

But last night Tony Greg preached and let me tell you, it was like he was preaching at me. I got a good look in my spiritual mirror... I didn't like what I saw. Anger and bitterness is not a good look on me. And the thing is, I taught the very same lesson in Sunday school to the teens, and well... I guess I didn't listen the first time.

I still dont understand. Disappointed... yes. Terrified... absolutely. But angry and bitter... gone- left em' at the alter with my savior where he could toss them into a place that neither of us have to see them again.

I still have soooooooooo many questions. And no, I dont feel its wrong to question God. Questioning out of unbelief... thats another story. Jesus himself questioned the father. He knew exactly what the will of his father was, yet still he asked why. The prophet Habakkuk asked why. Gods child-Crystal Coffey.... is asking why.

I believe that no matter what God will make a way for me. He has never done me anything but good. I know that in allowing these trials come my way he had no plans to harm me... he tells me so in Jeremiah! I may not ever know the reasons behind all of this... but I know he will see me through-no matter how much it hurts.

There are so many things I want in life. School, my RN, a marriage/husband, a house, a family... not necessarily in that order... but whatever Gods plans are... I know they will be those that even the best screen writer could never write a script for!