Carrots, Coffee, or Eggs?

I have had the most emotionally draining day that I have had in a long time. I found out today that because of #1 financial reasons and #2 administration... I am not going to get to go to school this semester. It just seems like one thing after the next keeps coming up in my way keeping me away from grabbing my dream of being a nurse. Ive sat all afternoon wondering what in the world I am going to do. It basically has boiled down to me taking the semester off and working while I figure out what to do. I dont know what I want to do with my life anymore. I want to be a nurse so bad that I cant stand it, but ETSU's program just keeps kicking my butt. I dont know whether to transfer or change my major. I really want what God wants for my life. SO in taking this semester off, I hope that I can figure out what Im supposed to be doing.

I want so bad to have stability. I am so tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I dont want to worry about how I am going to pay my rent every month or how I am going to buy gas or food. I want so bad to have a house somewhere out of this flippin city where its quiet and I can hear the crickets. I want a family to come home to and cook dinner for instead of my empty apartment and dinner with my cat. When I say stability, I dont just mean financial. I want someone to share my evening with... I think I am going crazy sitting around talking to my cat... haha

But anyway... I was reading my devotion for today and there was this story:

A daughter complained to her father about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose. Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word. The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. In about twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.

He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her he asked. "Darling, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. She humbly asked. "What does it mean Father?"

He explained that each of them had faced the same adversity, boiling water, but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. But after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. "Which are you," he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

How about you? Are you the carrot that seems hard, but with pain and adversity do you wilt and become soft and lose your strength? Are you the egg, which starts off with a malleable heart? Were you a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a divorce, or a layoff have you become hardened and stiff. Your shell looks the same, but are you bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and heart? Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean changes the hot water, the thing that is bringing the pain, to its peak flavor as it reaches 212 degrees Fahrenheit. When the water gets the hottest, it just tastes better. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and make things better around you.

I cant help but feel like a carrot. I have always had to be the strong one. With my family history, I had to be the adult at a very young age. Ive seen and dealt with things from my family as a young child that NO ONE knows about. Things I never want to relive. Ive always had to be... tough. And just for once... I want to be the one who just needs to shoulder to cry on and not the empty couch. I need someone to let me be a carrot just for once. BUT I know that I cant. I know I have to be strong. To get what I want out of life, I have to be willing to endure some hot water... God wouldn't have given me this if he knew I couldn't handle it.