What to do about a poor spirit

I am exauhsted. Maybe as empty as I have ever been. Zombie-like. Numb. Physically , mentally, and emotionally baked. I completely hit a wall one night last week. I had just moved and gotten home from a "lovely" visit with my family. Sometimes life crams more into 5 or 6 days than a person can absorb. When its more than I can take, I cry. That night I drug myself and my bags sometime after midnight into an apartment filled with unpacked boxes that were driving me nuts. That night lying among my blessing of having a palce to live, I cried myself to sleep.

Exhaustion seems to highlight every area of my brokeness. It magnifies my frustration over every imperfection. The places this poverty of spirit takes me can be depressing, paralyzing,and overwhelming. Maybe one of the most frustrating things about being a woman is living in an invisible ebb and flow of energy and emotion. When I hit the wall,my energy is gone, my heart is flat, and all I can see are my flaws. All I can feel is poor in spirit. I begin to evaluate every area of my life like I'm a failure. I can hear my poor spirit making out a list: I should be more and dust more and give more, exercise more, and play more, and pray more-- just as I am falling asleep in my weariness.

It's emabarassing to come to Jesus with a poor spirit. I think, Look at all God has done for me. I should be stronger. I should be an overcomer. I should be healed by now. More godly by now, Near perfect now.

What gives me hope is coming to know the heart of Jesus in , Matthew 5:3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." When Jesus began talking to the crowd about becoming more like the kingdom of heaven, he could have said something like, "Work hard, pray hard, give everything and it probably still won't be enough to please God." Instead, out tender savior began here, with blessings. In Matthew 5:3, we can see that there are blessings for the poor in spirit.

Maybe your like me, you really need to deal with your desperate heart. Maybe your not in this place just now, but you'll need to know what to do the next time your spirit is poor and your brokeness is as bright as a neon sign.

#1 Figure out where you are. Sometimes you have to get away from the daily grind to be able to see. You may need some quiet moments or places to go to begin where you are. Take inventory of your spirit! I feel myself smiling, but am I empty under that smile? My heart is willing, but my body is tired. My heart is broken, and it seems to keep breaking in the same places every time. I have made way too many comitments and I am overwhelmed. I have seperated myself from others and I am lonely. My wounds are taking forever to heal. Im just really, really broken.

#2 Take the truths of where you are and lift it to heaven. When I give an attitude of a sin, or my brokeness to God, I come to him in prayer, usually timid at first and mostly emabarassed that I still have this stuff to deal with. Sometimes I lay in the floor and pray through my tears. Sometimes I write in my prayer journal. Sometimes I pray in the car while Im driving. However it happens, what is important is that my poor spirit is turned toward God. What is inward is being turned upward, and handed to my heavenly Father!