Unsettle me

It's been a little over a month since many of us resolved to do some things differently this year. So, how is it going? As Ive said before, I didn't make a resolution but I prayed for the new year. But If I had made a resolution, it would probably be something that is closest to my heart and most deserving of my attention. It is in the prayer I scribbled out on New Year's Day.

Simply:
Unsettle me.

These are the two words rattling about in my brain today as I take a sick day and its beautiful outside! I almost wish it was a more glamorous prayer. Surely more eloquent words could be found for what I'm feeling led to pursue during this new year. But these are the words Ive woken up with. I am very settled in my salvation, thats not my point. I need unsettling in areas of my life that my carnal existence has held on to for so long.

The funny thing is I've spent my whole existence (21 years in August) trying to find a place to settle down, people to settle down with, and a spirit about me worthy of all this settled down-ness. All of this is good. A contented heart, thankful for its blessings is a good way to settle.

But there are areas of my life that have also settled that mock my desires to be godly woman - compromises if you will. Attitudes that I've wrapped in the lie, "Well, that's just how I am. And if that's all the bad that's in me, I'm doing pretty good."

I dare you, to notice the stark evidence of a spirit that is tainted and a heart that must be placed under the microscope of God's Word. Yes, indeed, unsettle me Lord.

Unearth My remnant of unforgiveness.

Shake loose My justification for harshness.

Reveal My broken shard of pride.

Expose My tendency to distrust.

Unsettle me in the best kind of way. For when I allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me - dark and dingy and hidden away too long - suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul.

I can delight in forgiveness and love more deeply.

I can discover my gentle responses and find softer ways for my words to land.

I can recognize the beauty of humility and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes.

I can rest assured though harsh winds blow, I will be held.

Goodbye to my remnants, my justifications, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am, nor who I was created to be.

Goodbye shallow love, sharp words, self-focus, and suspicious fears. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or destructions.

Welcome deeper love, softer words, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty I am held.

Welcome my unsettled heart.


Dear Lord, make me a courageous woman who isn't afraid to pray this prayer over and over this year.