emotional affairs

A few years ago, I watched a friend get tangled up in an emotional affair. She was a strong Christian woman who loved her family but the attraction to this other man seemed unavoidable. She tried to talk herself out of it but her heart played tricks on her mind, and the justifications for letting things continue down this path soon led her to a very dangerous place. She was becoming emotionally attached to this other man.

In a moment of desperation and fear, she confided in me what was going on. As she described how she got pulled into this place, I found myself being challenged by the realization of how subtly this had happened. She hadn't planned on being emotionally attracted to this other man. As a matter of fact, she'd always prided herself on being a woman of strong conviction and had scoffed at the idea of ever being tempted to have an affair.

It starts off simple enough - his comment that you mull over one too many times, a conversation in which you find a surprising connection, a glance that lingers just a second too long, or one of a thousand other interactions that seem innocent yet aren't. These are the dangerous seeds that can easily sprout into an emotional affair.

Some think it is a safe way to enjoy the lure of being attracted to someone other than your spouse without crossing any lines. But God boldly and plainly says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee from sexual immorality." God doesn't say walk away from sexual immorality. No, He says to flee as if your very life is at stake! The time to prevent an emotional affair is before it ever starts. For me to rest on my spiritual laurels and think that it could never happen to me, made me a prideful, open target for Satan.

Jesus warned his disciples in Matthew 26:41,"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Jesus used Peter's drowsiness to warn him about the kinds of temptation he would soon face. The way to overcome temptation is to keep watch and pray. Watching means being aware of the possibilities of temptation, sensitive to the subtleties, spiritually equipped to fight it.

Watching: I now realize that I need to be aware that I am just as prone to this temptation as anyone. Now as most of you know I am not married but since a child I have always wanted to be a wife (like most little girls). So I feel that I have been preparing myself since a young age. And even now, James and I have been together for going on 3 years and I think these same principals apply, just in a lesser degree.

One of the best ways to be watchful is to be praying with and for James . We need to be open and honest about meeting each other's needs and investing wisely in our relationship. If we get into a rough place, we need to be willing to work it out. I love the quote, "If you are busy rowing the boat, you won't have time to rock it." The more James and I are taking care of each other, the less attractive temptations will seem.

Sensitive to the Subtleties: I will have to be honest with myself that temptations do exist. When another man says or does something I wish James would say or do and doesn't, it can make me lessen James in my heart and build up this other man.(and mind you James always is saying and doing things, being the model boyfriend.. but I do realize and have encountered men that will say things that make you think) This is a seed of poison. If watered and fed, this seed will sprout and spread and devastate. Seeds seem so small until you realize that within them they contain the potential to become huge. So, I will be steadfast to keep the fertile ground of my heart pure.

Spiritually Equipped: Philippians 4:8 reminds us, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things". I must park my mind with the truth and the truth is I am involved with an amazing man. He is not perfect and sometimes our relationship can be hard, but I must not let the seeds of deciet take root in my heart. Whether or not you act on planted seeds, still the fact that emotionally you rely on someone other than your significant other or spouse is a warning sign that destruction lies ahead.

My friend did the wisest but hardest thing she could have done, she told someone about her emotional affair. Not only did it help her to see she needed to flee and have someone else hold her accountable, but it also made me aware and alert to the dangers lurking in any kind of unhealthy emotional connection with another man. I was actully able to use this lesson. A while back James and I went through this spot where I wasn't feeling the love so to speak. He was working all the time and when he wasn't he was working with the kids at church and then the rest of the time he was exauhsted. So I was feeling neglected and of course I never said anything. I found out very quickly just how easy it is for your mind to stray. The second that a guy I work with realized I was unhappy, he moved in. And of course feeling neglected, I ate up the attention... he even asked me out and for a split second in my mind I almost went. But MAJOR red flags went up when I thought about James and even though we had some problems, I loved him more than I ever thought possible and if I did this I would loose everything I ever dreamed of having with someone. I thought back to my friend and the verse that I had given her "FLEE!!!!" is all my mind would scream to my soul. And flee I did. I sat in my car that evening and cried and cried!! Partially out of shame that I even let my mind think that I could go and partially just out of thankfullness that God had spared me and shot those red flags up! I never told James, I will someday mabey... but it was such a eye opener that made me realize just how deep my love for James runs. James eventually realized without my saying anything and things got better. And since he lost his job at APEC... he is new person and neglect is something that I dont feel anymore.

Dear Lord, may I forever treasure my relationship and my future marrigae and see it worthy to be protected. Help me to be a courageous woman who absolutely flees from any and every situation where there is even a hint of danger. In Jesus' Name, Amen.